Britney Spears - Essay for the Confused

Ok, Ok, I’ll admit it! I was one of those teenagers who listened to Britney Spears when she first became popular! Though in my defense, my brother started to listen first and then after I got used to the songs, I listened. She was not that bad when she first started off. I think it was only after her first album that her image became super-sexualized in the music videos and concerts.

Anyway, the student essay about Britney Spears was very interesting. I was thinking as I flipped to the pages that both essays would be one of those horrible High School things on how NOT to do an essay. But instead I got a nice shock; both essays were well written and cleverly styled, with a balance of personal opinion and proof that gave credibility and originality. I chose this essay over the Coldplay one, because I can relate better to it. I agree with Ms. William’s ideas on Britney Spear’s image and the influences she has over the younger generations.

As for grading, I would say the Britney Spears essay deserves an “A.” Although it was very well written, had a multitude of facts and support, some of the essay could have done with better structure and thought. For example, the student starts out by writing about her own personal fears of becoming a mother and why that connects to Britney Spears. It is a very good opening that provides a personal insight and attention grabber to a very serious topic, but the student does not continue that thought through the essay. Once, toward the middle, the student comes in with a statement about having children again, but that is all. I believe, if she started out with the idea that Britney Spears made her not want to have children, she should finish with that thought. It does not have to be lengthy, just a simple statement about her fears, or the hope that when she has children there will be better role models than that of Britney Spears.

The length of the essay is good as well. It is not too long, but not too short. The author makes all the points she wants to and manages to keep her voice throughout it all. Merit it is a cynical and slightly hostile voice, but it is the author’s own. Her facts are introduced in the proper places, not out of context or just thrown in. Every fact has a suitable explanation that fits with the paragraph it is placed in. The only problem I saw with the author’s facts is that sometimes she starts off a paragraph with them. In the lecture we were to view about paragraph formatting, it was stated that one should not place a fact in the beginning sentence of a paragraph because it can detract from the author’s voice. This author only does it a few times, and it does not really detract a lot from the essay, but it is something that should be taken into account.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this essay on why this woman hates Britney Spears and the image she has created for young girls. The essay was well written, established a multitude of facts and personal opinions, and kept a true voice throughout. The only things that could make it better are to look through the organization a bit(sometimes the facts seemed a little messy and didn’t fit in), try to keep the beginning thought of having children to the end, and to make sure to put facts toward the middle of a paragraph, not the beginning. I can only hope my essay will be as good this week!